Life: The amusement park that charges waaayy to much

Hi, everybody! So, I'm assuming you all know the saying "Life is like a roller coaster, blah blah blah". Well, yeah. I've learned over the past few weeks that life really is one, and if you don't hold on to those bars that are way to f-ing tight, you're gonna get your ass kicked and fly off screaming. By that I mean, If you don't have good friends to hold on to, you're gonna get pummeled. Fun stuff! Anyway, you can't really predict which way the roller coaster is gonna go, like every amusement ride (they should be called evil torture devices) at Disney World. And if you can predict which way it's gonna and you tell people about it, you're just gonna get weird looks because people think you're insane, which 9 times outta 10, you are. If you manged to stay with me and my train of thought there, I'm impressed. I'm pretty sure following that was like trying to climb Mt. Everest..

By the way, if you grandfather goes and tries to climb Mt. Everest...I'm sorry.

So, story time? I say yes.
There was this time I was dared (keep in mind, I was 12 and I liked dares) to climb a this hugeeee pile of dirt at my baseball field and anyone who climbed this pile of dirt was a considered a total "bad ass" and since I was a total "wimp" I needed something to boost my status among my peers. So, I spend about a week preparing for hell. Climbing up the hills in my neighborhood, eating things I thought tough people like..nails. Yeah, so after I got out of the hospital, I went to to that pile of dirt, I put on my good plastic cleats and RAN UP THAT MOTHERF***ER! What happened after that? I took a stick, carved in "JG" and exclaimed "I AM THE THE KING OF THE HILL!" Which, apparently, in kids terms means: "Lets play king of the hill, come try to knock my block off". So, the biggest kid around comes charging up the hill and shoves me off the hill, I then learned my first life lesson about people..Never yell out unintentional challenges with the world's largest kid  within 500 ft of you. They can hear you at the snack shack...

So, everybody, I hope you enjoyed the post. Thanks for reading and have a great day! =D
Bye everyone!

A Unicorn? Really?

Hi everybody! So, apparently, unicorns are cool?

I was walking down the street the other day and I kid you not, this man is wearing A UNICORN T-SHIRT READING "Would you love me without my horn?"...I almost punched him in the face because he deemed it "okay" to wear a unicorn shirt with the world's dumbest saying. I mean, don't get me wrong. I like horses  (Mostly because back in the days of the roman empire, they used horses as tanks) but unicorns, No..just no. I mean, I know they're fake and all but really, let's pretend they were real. Would you honestly want a pet that shit's rainbows?

I mean, what if it's having a bad day? Unicorns are pure happiness, what would that mean to the rest of the world if you saw A UNICORN trying to jump off a bridge? I'm pretty sure we would  know we're screwed then. Anyway, back to my main point. I think it's great that people have imaginations. Creativity is great! But, when you start wearing shirts that pretty much scream "Hey, come mug me! I'm wearing a unicorn shirt!" I think it's time to find a new hobby besides collecting unicorn figurines. I think it's awesome that we, as a society are becoming more and more accepting..but, honestly, guys..come on, could you at least not wear the bedazzled shirts to a Ke$ha concert. Just to drive my point home, a few weeks ago me and a friend we're just relaxing and playing some 8-bit games and we were talking about how ridiculous this whole unicorn thing is getting, and he mentioned that there is going to be a unicorn cereal made......ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Unicorn cereal? Really? Good god, It's going to be like Fruity Loops and Lucky Charms got together, had a kid and the kid is on steroids.

 A person can only take so much unicorn BS until they snap...then it's downhill for everybody.

 So, that's my post for today! I hope you guys enjoyed it and have a great week! Bye everybody! =)

Lamprophony of a....wait, what?

Hi Everbody! It's been way to long!...and I just realized I start every post like that...so.......¡Hola Amigos! Which is Spanish for Hello Friends! Much better, don't you agree? Anyway, I was reading the dictionary the other day and came across a word that...well, That really shouldn't even be in existence at all. Lamprophony which means, loudness or clarity of voice.....Do we in all honestly need that word? 'cause seriously, I can't remember the last time I was like "Speak up bud, your lamprophony isn't great". I know it isn't excatly a huge deal like other pressing matters in America, like taxes, healthcare and why Dick Cheney hasn't died yet, but IT MATTERS!........to me at least.

One thing I really wonder about is, who had the time to come up with all of these ridiculous words. Lamprophony for example. Was the guy who came up with it like: "Gentlemen, I do believe I have an idea for a word that will literally blow your brain particulates...Lamprophony". I don't think it went down EXACTLY like that, but you guys get my point. If you want a good laugh from your freidnds, use that word and watch their reaction when you say it. It will make you feel better about yourself...cause laughing at friends always does =]!

Another topic I wanted to cover today (Yes, it's a multi-topic post) is me and my inability to actually get things done without harming myself or those around me. If you will recall one of my older posts, you'll find that I did actually give myself brain trauma from pounding my head against my computer's desk. Anyway, There was this one time when I was camping in Canada, and I was getting some bacon from my dad to go give to my mom, (God forbid he actually gets up off the the air-mattress) and me being the "always happy and excited" 7 year old I was, I go flying out the little zipper door, then collide head first into a metal pole that had it out for me (I almost ran into it earlier in the day). Thus proving, I have no coordination and my sister likes laughing at people while they have blood spurting out of their faces. But the main point of this is, never run around in Canada...there metal poles aren't too fond of Americans.

Well people, that is it for today, I'm off to see the Wizard of Oz..Psyche, I'm actually off to go passout on my couch to ESPN. Byee! =)

Water + Laptop = Saddest day of my life!

Hi everybody! By the title alone you can tell I'm legit depressed about the loss of a dear friend...my little laptop. So, here's how it all went down...literally. 
I was walking into my room looking for my laptop and I had absolutely no idea where it was, so I started where everything gets lost in my house, my bedroom. It's like a black hole mixed with a hoover vacuum cleaner. So that if you drop a single thing within a 10 mile radius of it, it will be consumed by my evil bedroom. So, as I walk into my room I see it, my prize, my laptop! I run to it with excitement and pure joy. But then, as my luck would freaking have it, I trip on one of my shoe's and start falling, as I grab to reach dramticaly for my dresser, I accidently push a cup of water on to my laptop. After I regrouped and pulled the gum off of me that was on my floor from 5 months ago (don't even ask), I heard a faint sizzling sound. The sound that you hear when you truly know you're screwed. So, as any normal teenager would do, I start flipping out and throwring towels among towels among towels onto to my suffering laptop and attempt to drain it. TIP OF THE DAY: DO NOT GRAB SOMETHING THAT IS SIZZLING. I now have a "Dell Core Duo Processor" scold mark on my hand. Now whenever I wave, I'm like a flipping billboard for Dell. Gotta love it. So, after fighting back the urge to use every cuss word in the book, I take my laptop's battery out in a sad, futile, attempt to save my little buddy. Sadly though, it failed. I could not rescue what I had been so careful with before (nevermind the fact that it had 8 missing buttons, the USB ports were shot, and it made a Transformers type sound whenever I attempted to click on ebay to look for a new computer). STILL, it was my little buddy and I will miss him. The moral of this story: Never ever ever put water near a laptop unless you feel like shelling out some big $.

Besides that little "Eff my life and send it to McDonalds" moment, my weekend has been great! Well, I'm gonna peace out to look for a new computer that isn't a decepticon. Bye guys! (and girls too!) =)

(Again, thank you to my awesome friend Lily for making the picture)

Every first day has it's thorns.

Hi, everybody! So this is my first day of writing a blog and I'm kinda bad with introductions, so I might as well tell you everything about me. I love music, sports, comedy and not being dead. Just like every other human being! It's always a plus when you wake up. Period. I'm a strong believer in living life to the fullest. There's an old saying that goes something like "If you're not alive, you're dead, and if you're living like you're dead, you ain't living". All right, so it's not that old...considering I just made it up. I have a tendency to act a bit...strange. Case in point: one of my favorite words in the whole wide world is "xenobiology" which means the scientific study of extraterrestrial life or life beyond planet Earth. I also like reeaallyyy random facts. Like out of left field, where the eff did that come from?! Like I said, I like living, and a part of living is knowing random knowledge that will never come in handy in any situation whatsoever. I think all of that describes me pretty well!

Now let's get down to the main point of this particular post: FIRSTS. Like my first day of baseball. I was about 8 years old and had no knowledge of the game whatsoever, but like any other 8 year old boy with ADHD (I believe every 8yo kid has ADHD, no matter their medical history). I tried to blend in and just be cool while running around like a chicken with it's head cut off by a crazed butcher. But seeing as I couldn't run, throw, hit or tie my shoes like a baseball player, I just did what came naturally..curl up in a ball and hope to God above that nothing was hit toward me. I mean c'mon! How many 8 year old power hitters do you know? Well, apparently there are quite a few, and having to be physically moved by your coach is a real morale breaker. So he sent me to go catch fly balls being hit off a tee. A little tip: NEVER RUN BACKWARDS IF YOU CAN'T RUN WELL FORWARD. I almost knocked a kid's block off while running backwards. I got snapped at and almost ended up crying. (We later ended up being close friends). But, no. I would NOT cry! I was a man! (With an extremely high voice who still wore his Buzz Lightyear tidy whiteys). I had to keep my pride and go about my first day and make sure I didn't pee myself when I got a ball smoked right at me. But by the end of the day, I returned to my mommy's van and all was well with my string cheese in one hand and my Capri-Sun in the other. My coach (who is a family friend of ours) told me I did great for being so new to baseball. I later read the little league rulebook, and apparently coaches must make the less talented children feel better by saying that. I DID NOT CARE THOUGH! I was a baseball player now, and I felt like one for the rest of the season too! There are two morals of the story: 1) If you have a ball hit at you, fake your death and pray the EMTs have cookies. 2) First days are always tough no matter who you are. It doesn't matter if you're Chuck Norris or an average Malik.

I hope you enjoyed my first of many posts to come! Remember, if you have a problem, you know where to read the most humorous stories..and if Fox is down, I'm always here too! Byee! =)