How to be a bone-head (an idiots guide)

Hi everybody! First of all, I just wanna state that this title is completely misleading as it has nothing to do with being a guide.....like at all. So, now that's off my chest, lets talk about me (surprise, surprise?) and my way of being a complete bone-head. I may have black hair (No, I'm not emo or "scene" and so help me god if one more person asks if I am, I'mma go straight hood on 'em...I also need to take it easy on the rap) but I can act like a total blonde at times...like oh my god seriously, I can't like go like one day without like totally messing up one thing because of like such a total mistake (it's okay if you just did a valley girl voice in your head) and Yes, I just stereotyped every blonde on earth, get over it. Annyyywwaayyy, I just can't seem to get the hang of being a normal, contributing member of society........nooooooo, I am Captain f^@k up, you put a pair of roller blades, a banana and a lemonade stand within 20 feet of me and I can guarantee you that I will have a concussion, black eye, broken leg and a note taped to my forehead saying "You owe me 50 bucks, don't ask why. You just do."

I'm pretty sure that if you can attempt it, I'll screw it up. Why you ask? Because, I AM CAPTAIN F^@K UP! Now, if I am needed, I'll be in my special ed. helmet and bubble wrapping.

Some people think I'm off-balance or slightly deranged and to that I say, you are right, BUT, I have more fun with a box then you can ever imagine.

 I know this was kind of a short post, but what do you expect of me? IT'S SUMMER FOR HEAVENS SAKE! Anyway, later guys! I hope you enjoyed the post! =)


NOTE: I was supposed to post this like a month ago and was just straight lazy and forgot to so...here it is?...If I say I love you and promise to wash your car, can we forget about this little incident?

HOLD UP! Was that a flying pig?

Hey there, everybody! So I haven't exactly been a role model for "consistency" lately since I really don't do the same thing more than two days in a row except for showering and eating (which I may do a little more than often). For example, one day I'll be in lovee with something weird like honey badgers then the next day have a mortal fear of them because they can kill claw your eyes out and eat cobras with ease. BUT! I did learn something important from it, I have a fear of having my eyes clawed out by a ravenous animal! I think that if I were to attempt consistency, I might succeed at first then end up falling flat on my face. Literally. I can only run so many days in a row before my legs feel like jelly and I have to stop so I don't face plant on the pavement. I actually have a story about me and my "issues" with consistency.

One day, I just could not do a certain trick on my skateboard and of course, me being the humble and well adjusted child I was..started cussing out the skateboard and kicking it. So, after my friend who is a year younger than myself landed it (He was 11), I decided "HELL, if this kid can do it, so can I!" So, I practiced and practiced hard on that one trick and eventually got it down, but the problem was no 11 or 12 year old will believe you if you say "Well, I did it in my backyard when nobody was around". So, I figure that if I can do it in my backyard I can do it anywhere...including in front of my older sister, her best friend and 5 of my other friends. So, I put on my cool "Sk8r" helmet and pads and ran outside full speed ahead. We all gathered in the middle of the road, I hopped on my skateboard and...after several attempts at it...I FINALLY NAILED IT! SUCCESS IS MINE! Then my sister's best friend yells out "Pigs have flown!". Gotta love such positive support.

So, the moral of the story is: If you think you can't do something, try, try again...and never do anything dangerous without wearing something lucky, because if you're like me..you'll face plant every time.

I think that sometimes I really get lost in my own thoughts, I could see an ant and 2 minutes later be thinking about the Ant Economy. So, yes, I am slightllyyy off-balance. Also, I bet you were wondering what the hell that last sentence had to do with anything, well it's called filler...aka I have nothing left to talk about and I'm just avoiding what I should be doing like mowing the lawn or something so amazingly, epicly fun. I guess on that note I should get going. Bye everybody! Y'all come back now, ya hear?

Water + Laptop = Saddest day of my life!

Hi everybody! By the title alone you can tell I'm legit depressed about the loss of a dear friend...my little laptop. So, here's how it all went down...literally. 
I was walking into my room looking for my laptop and I had absolutely no idea where it was, so I started where everything gets lost in my house, my bedroom. It's like a black hole mixed with a hoover vacuum cleaner. So that if you drop a single thing within a 10 mile radius of it, it will be consumed by my evil bedroom. So, as I walk into my room I see it, my prize, my laptop! I run to it with excitement and pure joy. But then, as my luck would freaking have it, I trip on one of my shoe's and start falling, as I grab to reach dramticaly for my dresser, I accidently push a cup of water on to my laptop. After I regrouped and pulled the gum off of me that was on my floor from 5 months ago (don't even ask), I heard a faint sizzling sound. The sound that you hear when you truly know you're screwed. So, as any normal teenager would do, I start flipping out and throwring towels among towels among towels onto to my suffering laptop and attempt to drain it. TIP OF THE DAY: DO NOT GRAB SOMETHING THAT IS SIZZLING. I now have a "Dell Core Duo Processor" scold mark on my hand. Now whenever I wave, I'm like a flipping billboard for Dell. Gotta love it. So, after fighting back the urge to use every cuss word in the book, I take my laptop's battery out in a sad, futile, attempt to save my little buddy. Sadly though, it failed. I could not rescue what I had been so careful with before (nevermind the fact that it had 8 missing buttons, the USB ports were shot, and it made a Transformers type sound whenever I attempted to click on ebay to look for a new computer). STILL, it was my little buddy and I will miss him. The moral of this story: Never ever ever put water near a laptop unless you feel like shelling out some big $.

Besides that little "Eff my life and send it to McDonalds" moment, my weekend has been great! Well, I'm gonna peace out to look for a new computer that isn't a decepticon. Bye guys! (and girls too!) =)

(Again, thank you to my awesome friend Lily for making the picture)