NO, THAT IS NOT OKAY--Never mind..

Hi everybody! I've got this great story so lets just skip all the BS'ing and get right to the story and pretty pictures!


So, during this past holiday break plainly put, it got cold. Now this doesn't surprise me, however, what does surprise me is the fact that my room actually got warm (I'm guessing it was about 87F). So, I decide to lumber on out to the living room where I saw my dog happily snoring away on the couch in peace...and me being myself decided "Me = Human, Dog = Animal...I win.". So after I kick her off the couch, after the snarling and snapping,  I place myself on the couch and begin to wonder "Where is she (my dog) and is she plotting against me". Then I realized that I was actually scared of a half-witted, bareley remembers who she is on a daily basis, attack her own tail because she fears it, type of dog. I had nothing to be afraid of!

 So, I fall asleep for about 2 hours. Now it's about 4am and I need something to drink, so I get up, bolt to the kitchen, search in the dark for a glass, nearly drop said glass on 12 different occasions and run back to my couch after being happily re-hydrated. But, to my surprise, I see her. Right there. ON MY COUCH. MY. COUCH. THIS IS NOT OKAY!--Wait..she just cried in her sleep...f*** me. I now have to adjust her so that I become the little spoon and she doesn't feel threatened thus I can wake up with both eyes not gouged out. When I finally get situated and 67% happily in place, my dog lays her muzzle on my jugular so that if I make a break for it she gets a taste of some A- blood. The only thing running through my head at this point is: "hahahahah, this will make a great stor- zzzzzzzzzzzz" Yep, fell asleep mid thought. I had a great night's sleep but things took a turn for the worse, as always. I was awakened at the crisp and early time of 7am - in the morning by a thundering woman in my living room yelling: "HAHA, SUCK IT BITCH, I BEAT YO ASS AT FANTASY FOOTBALL. OOHH YEAH. OOHH YEEEAAHHHH!" Not only did she sound like the giant kool-aid guy when she did that but she reminded me how much I cherished sleep and how much she cherished my lack thereof. But hey, you can't pick your mom...or dogs. Okay, I could have picked a different dog but what did I know? It's not like I knew I was picking Satan's ex-mutt from hell.

I guess after all of that, I really learned one thing: Never trust your dog. I don't care if they're man's best friend. They're evil creatures who lurk in the dark and wait for their vengeance. I mean, people say cats are smart and cats are crafty...what does that make dogs? Black motherf***ing Op's is what it makes them.

 I mean Seal Team 6 has nothing on 'em..but hey, it could be worse...right? GUYS?!

Alright that's all I've got for today guys, I'll see you soon! Bye everyone! =)

Ahh, Fall!

Hello, everyone. All I have to say is: Ahh, Fall. The best season of the year. There's just something about running and jumping right into a pile of leaves until the sunsets...or until you have leaves down your crack...then things just get ugly. But, honestly, even though the air gets colder and the sun sets about 50 hours early, you can't help but enjoy the small things about fall....like all the insects slowly dieing off. Now, some may argue that winter or summer is, but let's be honest, the only reason we accept those drastic weather changes is either because we get to be lazy or because we get to buy loads of shit for our friends and show off what we got. Other than that, we're either sweating our asses off or freezing 'em.

  See, there's the problem with our society...we set our goals and hopes WAAYYY to high...like Bob Marley high. If we just said to our selves "I just want a regular desk job" instead of "I'MMA BE A MOTHERF****** ROCKET SCIENTIST" life would be so much better. Honestly, when was the last time you saw someone try to run into traffic because they met all of their life goals and were completely happy with it. Yeah, Jake logic is good logic. But in all seriousness, I think setting your goals high is a great thing, just don't do it for everything...nobody likes an elite poop picker upper.

So, my final words for this post post, NEVER..EVER...complain about fall. It could be so much worse..I'm looking at you Australia. Bye everyone!

HOLD UP! Was that a flying pig?

Hey there, everybody! So I haven't exactly been a role model for "consistency" lately since I really don't do the same thing more than two days in a row except for showering and eating (which I may do a little more than often). For example, one day I'll be in lovee with something weird like honey badgers then the next day have a mortal fear of them because they can kill claw your eyes out and eat cobras with ease. BUT! I did learn something important from it, I have a fear of having my eyes clawed out by a ravenous animal! I think that if I were to attempt consistency, I might succeed at first then end up falling flat on my face. Literally. I can only run so many days in a row before my legs feel like jelly and I have to stop so I don't face plant on the pavement. I actually have a story about me and my "issues" with consistency.

One day, I just could not do a certain trick on my skateboard and of course, me being the humble and well adjusted child I was..started cussing out the skateboard and kicking it. So, after my friend who is a year younger than myself landed it (He was 11), I decided "HELL, if this kid can do it, so can I!" So, I practiced and practiced hard on that one trick and eventually got it down, but the problem was no 11 or 12 year old will believe you if you say "Well, I did it in my backyard when nobody was around". So, I figure that if I can do it in my backyard I can do it anywhere...including in front of my older sister, her best friend and 5 of my other friends. So, I put on my cool "Sk8r" helmet and pads and ran outside full speed ahead. We all gathered in the middle of the road, I hopped on my skateboard and...after several attempts at it...I FINALLY NAILED IT! SUCCESS IS MINE! Then my sister's best friend yells out "Pigs have flown!". Gotta love such positive support.

So, the moral of the story is: If you think you can't do something, try, try again...and never do anything dangerous without wearing something lucky, because if you're like me..you'll face plant every time.

I think that sometimes I really get lost in my own thoughts, I could see an ant and 2 minutes later be thinking about the Ant Economy. So, yes, I am slightllyyy off-balance. Also, I bet you were wondering what the hell that last sentence had to do with anything, well it's called filler...aka I have nothing left to talk about and I'm just avoiding what I should be doing like mowing the lawn or something so amazingly, epicly fun. I guess on that note I should get going. Bye everybody! Y'all come back now, ya hear?