Water + Laptop = Saddest day of my life!

Hi everybody! By the title alone you can tell I'm legit depressed about the loss of a dear friend...my little laptop. So, here's how it all went down...literally. 
I was walking into my room looking for my laptop and I had absolutely no idea where it was, so I started where everything gets lost in my house, my bedroom. It's like a black hole mixed with a hoover vacuum cleaner. So that if you drop a single thing within a 10 mile radius of it, it will be consumed by my evil bedroom. So, as I walk into my room I see it, my prize, my laptop! I run to it with excitement and pure joy. But then, as my luck would freaking have it, I trip on one of my shoe's and start falling, as I grab to reach dramticaly for my dresser, I accidently push a cup of water on to my laptop. After I regrouped and pulled the gum off of me that was on my floor from 5 months ago (don't even ask), I heard a faint sizzling sound. The sound that you hear when you truly know you're screwed. So, as any normal teenager would do, I start flipping out and throwring towels among towels among towels onto to my suffering laptop and attempt to drain it. TIP OF THE DAY: DO NOT GRAB SOMETHING THAT IS SIZZLING. I now have a "Dell Core Duo Processor" scold mark on my hand. Now whenever I wave, I'm like a flipping billboard for Dell. Gotta love it. So, after fighting back the urge to use every cuss word in the book, I take my laptop's battery out in a sad, futile, attempt to save my little buddy. Sadly though, it failed. I could not rescue what I had been so careful with before (nevermind the fact that it had 8 missing buttons, the USB ports were shot, and it made a Transformers type sound whenever I attempted to click on ebay to look for a new computer). STILL, it was my little buddy and I will miss him. The moral of this story: Never ever ever put water near a laptop unless you feel like shelling out some big $.

Besides that little "Eff my life and send it to McDonalds" moment, my weekend has been great! Well, I'm gonna peace out to look for a new computer that isn't a decepticon. Bye guys! (and girls too!) =)

(Again, thank you to my awesome friend Lily for making the picture)

The useless-ness of almost everything!

Hi everybody! I was bored earlier and I got to thinking about the useless-ness of just about everything. I mean school (in my opinion) after the 8th grade is pretty much useless, and here are the valid reasons why. History: they're all dead. English: not needed after the 8th grade. Science: it's called Googling  $#!% you don't know. Music: Youtube and Vevo, 'nuff said. Health: WE HAVE DOCTORS FOR A REASON. P.E: it's called the Wii. Math: I know how to read the value meal at Wendy's (remember, you've already learned enough words through 8th grade to help you read it).

I know there are a lot of people who think school is pretty useful, but since teenagers need 9.5 hours of sleep a night, education is taking an effect on health! That would make such a great excuse. "Sorry, Mr/Mrs. Random, I got sick from your teaching". Imagine that conversation! But, I guess everyone has their own opinions, and not everyone agrees with me. ISN'T THAT WEIRD!? You gotta think though, if school isn't greatly needed, what is? I'll leave that hard thinking for you guys. I'm just the guy who writes funny stuff and sells you tacos and spaghetti out of my van...SPEAKING OF WHICH...two for one deal from Jake's tacos! Contract one disease from any item .55 cents or more and get a free flu shot that looks somewhat like water and salt.

Another thing I was pondering today, is the age old question, WHY IN GOD'S NAME DID THE EFFING CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?! Well, here are some great answers from famous people:
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
The Dead Sea Scrolls: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.  
Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. 
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it ***** wanted to. That's the ****** reason.


Well, I guess it's time to head on out, Byee! =) OH! REAL QUICK, Thank you to my aawwweessoommmeee friend Lily for making my epic header.

Every first day has it's thorns.

Hi, everybody! So this is my first day of writing a blog and I'm kinda bad with introductions, so I might as well tell you everything about me. I love music, sports, comedy and not being dead. Just like every other human being! It's always a plus when you wake up. Period. I'm a strong believer in living life to the fullest. There's an old saying that goes something like "If you're not alive, you're dead, and if you're living like you're dead, you ain't living". All right, so it's not that old...considering I just made it up. I have a tendency to act a bit...strange. Case in point: one of my favorite words in the whole wide world is "xenobiology" which means the scientific study of extraterrestrial life or life beyond planet Earth. I also like reeaallyyy random facts. Like out of left field, where the eff did that come from?! Like I said, I like living, and a part of living is knowing random knowledge that will never come in handy in any situation whatsoever. I think all of that describes me pretty well!

Now let's get down to the main point of this particular post: FIRSTS. Like my first day of baseball. I was about 8 years old and had no knowledge of the game whatsoever, but like any other 8 year old boy with ADHD (I believe every 8yo kid has ADHD, no matter their medical history). I tried to blend in and just be cool while running around like a chicken with it's head cut off by a crazed butcher. But seeing as I couldn't run, throw, hit or tie my shoes like a baseball player, I just did what came naturally..curl up in a ball and hope to God above that nothing was hit toward me. I mean c'mon! How many 8 year old power hitters do you know? Well, apparently there are quite a few, and having to be physically moved by your coach is a real morale breaker. So he sent me to go catch fly balls being hit off a tee. A little tip: NEVER RUN BACKWARDS IF YOU CAN'T RUN WELL FORWARD. I almost knocked a kid's block off while running backwards. I got snapped at and almost ended up crying. (We later ended up being close friends). But, no. I would NOT cry! I was a man! (With an extremely high voice who still wore his Buzz Lightyear tidy whiteys). I had to keep my pride and go about my first day and make sure I didn't pee myself when I got a ball smoked right at me. But by the end of the day, I returned to my mommy's van and all was well with my string cheese in one hand and my Capri-Sun in the other. My coach (who is a family friend of ours) told me I did great for being so new to baseball. I later read the little league rulebook, and apparently coaches must make the less talented children feel better by saying that. I DID NOT CARE THOUGH! I was a baseball player now, and I felt like one for the rest of the season too! There are two morals of the story: 1) If you have a ball hit at you, fake your death and pray the EMTs have cookies. 2) First days are always tough no matter who you are. It doesn't matter if you're Chuck Norris or an average Malik.

I hope you enjoyed my first of many posts to come! Remember, if you have a problem, you know where to read the most humorous stories..and if Fox is down, I'm always here too! Byee! =)