How to be a bone-head (an idiots guide)

Hi everybody! First of all, I just wanna state that this title is completely misleading as it has nothing to do with being a guide.....like at all. So, now that's off my chest, lets talk about me (surprise, surprise?) and my way of being a complete bone-head. I may have black hair (No, I'm not emo or "scene" and so help me god if one more person asks if I am, I'mma go straight hood on 'em...I also need to take it easy on the rap) but I can act like a total blonde at times...like oh my god seriously, I can't like go like one day without like totally messing up one thing because of like such a total mistake (it's okay if you just did a valley girl voice in your head) and Yes, I just stereotyped every blonde on earth, get over it. Annyyywwaayyy, I just can't seem to get the hang of being a normal, contributing member of society........nooooooo, I am Captain f^@k up, you put a pair of roller blades, a banana and a lemonade stand within 20 feet of me and I can guarantee you that I will have a concussion, black eye, broken leg and a note taped to my forehead saying "You owe me 50 bucks, don't ask why. You just do."

I'm pretty sure that if you can attempt it, I'll screw it up. Why you ask? Because, I AM CAPTAIN F^@K UP! Now, if I am needed, I'll be in my special ed. helmet and bubble wrapping.

Some people think I'm off-balance or slightly deranged and to that I say, you are right, BUT, I have more fun with a box then you can ever imagine.

 I know this was kind of a short post, but what do you expect of me? IT'S SUMMER FOR HEAVENS SAKE! Anyway, later guys! I hope you enjoyed the post! =)


NOTE: I was supposed to post this like a month ago and was just straight lazy and forgot to so...here it is?...If I say I love you and promise to wash your car, can we forget about this little incident?

HOLD UP! Was that a flying pig?

Hey there, everybody! So I haven't exactly been a role model for "consistency" lately since I really don't do the same thing more than two days in a row except for showering and eating (which I may do a little more than often). For example, one day I'll be in lovee with something weird like honey badgers then the next day have a mortal fear of them because they can kill claw your eyes out and eat cobras with ease. BUT! I did learn something important from it, I have a fear of having my eyes clawed out by a ravenous animal! I think that if I were to attempt consistency, I might succeed at first then end up falling flat on my face. Literally. I can only run so many days in a row before my legs feel like jelly and I have to stop so I don't face plant on the pavement. I actually have a story about me and my "issues" with consistency.

One day, I just could not do a certain trick on my skateboard and of course, me being the humble and well adjusted child I was..started cussing out the skateboard and kicking it. So, after my friend who is a year younger than myself landed it (He was 11), I decided "HELL, if this kid can do it, so can I!" So, I practiced and practiced hard on that one trick and eventually got it down, but the problem was no 11 or 12 year old will believe you if you say "Well, I did it in my backyard when nobody was around". So, I figure that if I can do it in my backyard I can do it anywhere...including in front of my older sister, her best friend and 5 of my other friends. So, I put on my cool "Sk8r" helmet and pads and ran outside full speed ahead. We all gathered in the middle of the road, I hopped on my skateboard and...after several attempts at it...I FINALLY NAILED IT! SUCCESS IS MINE! Then my sister's best friend yells out "Pigs have flown!". Gotta love such positive support.

So, the moral of the story is: If you think you can't do something, try, try again...and never do anything dangerous without wearing something lucky, because if you're like me..you'll face plant every time.

I think that sometimes I really get lost in my own thoughts, I could see an ant and 2 minutes later be thinking about the Ant Economy. So, yes, I am slightllyyy off-balance. Also, I bet you were wondering what the hell that last sentence had to do with anything, well it's called filler...aka I have nothing left to talk about and I'm just avoiding what I should be doing like mowing the lawn or something so amazingly, epicly fun. I guess on that note I should get going. Bye everybody! Y'all come back now, ya hear?

Quicky update; WE'RE NOT DEAD! =D

Hi there everyone! While I'm working on my next post, I figured I could do a reallllll quick update! You know you loveee it. So, today the world was supposed to end but uh...yeah, we're still here and I still have to do my Sunday work...aka wake up, take a shower, eat breakfast, go back to sleep. IT'S SO HARD BEING ME! I honestly think the next time Harold Camping tries to predict the rapture (and we all know he will), I think he should at least try to convince people a little better. I mean he only put up close to 20,000 billboards across America and it got spread around the internet like...never mind, you know where I was going with it..MY POINT BEING, if you're gonna make a prediction, at least try to sound sane while doing so, even though it's kinda hard when you run around saying "THE WORLD IS GONNA END ON MAY 21ST, DRINK THE KOOL-AID NOW, DAMN IT!".  I mean seriously, I wonder if he even listens to himself and his ridiculous mathematics. I mean c'mon, how can you believe that crap?


All right, so there is my quick little update. I hope you enjoyed it! Byee =)

Lamprophony of a....wait, what?

Hi Everbody! It's been way to long!...and I just realized I start every post like that...so.......¡Hola Amigos! Which is Spanish for Hello Friends! Much better, don't you agree? Anyway, I was reading the dictionary the other day and came across a word that...well, That really shouldn't even be in existence at all. Lamprophony which means, loudness or clarity of voice.....Do we in all honestly need that word? 'cause seriously, I can't remember the last time I was like "Speak up bud, your lamprophony isn't great". I know it isn't excatly a huge deal like other pressing matters in America, like taxes, healthcare and why Dick Cheney hasn't died yet, but IT MATTERS!........to me at least.

One thing I really wonder about is, who had the time to come up with all of these ridiculous words. Lamprophony for example. Was the guy who came up with it like: "Gentlemen, I do believe I have an idea for a word that will literally blow your brain particulates...Lamprophony". I don't think it went down EXACTLY like that, but you guys get my point. If you want a good laugh from your freidnds, use that word and watch their reaction when you say it. It will make you feel better about yourself...cause laughing at friends always does =]!

Another topic I wanted to cover today (Yes, it's a multi-topic post) is me and my inability to actually get things done without harming myself or those around me. If you will recall one of my older posts, you'll find that I did actually give myself brain trauma from pounding my head against my computer's desk. Anyway, There was this one time when I was camping in Canada, and I was getting some bacon from my dad to go give to my mom, (God forbid he actually gets up off the the air-mattress) and me being the "always happy and excited" 7 year old I was, I go flying out the little zipper door, then collide head first into a metal pole that had it out for me (I almost ran into it earlier in the day). Thus proving, I have no coordination and my sister likes laughing at people while they have blood spurting out of their faces. But the main point of this is, never run around in Canada...there metal poles aren't too fond of Americans.

Well people, that is it for today, I'm off to see the Wizard of Oz..Psyche, I'm actually off to go passout on my couch to ESPN. Byee! =)

Laughter! The greatest thing since teriyaki

Hi Everybody! So, I recently became addicted to a site called "StumbleUpon". Some of you may have heard of it. It's a website that basically asks what your interests are, and then "stumbles" you to a site that relates to your interests. I have only one suggestion: if you have an addictive personality (you're easily addicted to things) take it easy. I have an addictive personality and I literally cannot peel myself away from the site without having to be forced away with some type of WMD or AK-47. But, it is a pretty fun site to just mess around with when you're bored and have absolutely nothing productive to get done. I just can't get enough of the endless jokes, pictures and GIF's the internet has to offer. You honestly have to laugh at some of the things people come up with.

I think people really don't appreciate a good laugh anymore. If they aren't busy with work, they're busy with school, etc, etc. So my genius plan is to make a day totally dedicated to laughing and screwing around with people you may or may not know. I mean c'mon, laughing is a great way to boost your immune system and to show off that new joke book you got for $3.50 at Wal-Mart. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Don't deny it. And, if you really think about it, people are generally happier all around if they have a good joke told to them.  There's an old quote by Jean Houston that says "at the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities". So, imagine all the good things we could do! Or, we could all just be UN-productive dicks and ride around on golf carts while throwing water balloons at old people. Either could work. It's just that laughing is one of the greatest medicines. If you're having a crappy day and somebody comes up to you and starts laughing at a funny joke (s)he heard earlier, your day has been brightened and you're in the green for a great day.

Well my people, that is it for today! My humble opinion on why laughing is the greatest thing ever!
 Have a great weekend!! =D