My irrational fear of everything

Hi everybody! Lets be honest, I'm a bit of a wimp. I literally jump 5 feet in the air when I see a snake, spider, mouse or honey badger...on TV. So, I have determined I have a fear of everything and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. I can actually remember when I wouldn't go outside of my own house because of a spider hanging on my door. I honestly think that I'm the person that insects and reptiles are just attracted to. I could be in the coldest place in the world and there would be an effing cobra. There's just something about 'em that creeps the hell out of me. Like, I can kill a small spider no problem - BUT I swear if I see a black widow, I will be down the street with a trail of fire behind me. Like this one time my "friend" thought it would be funny to buy one of those spiders from Wal-Mart, that's fake but looks real.

So, we're in Wal-Mart, just cruising around, up and down the aisles, being bored teenagers, and then we come across this fake looking spider, I shiver and walk away. I go to leave and he says "Oh, I've gotta use the restroom, I'll be out in a few minutes", so I go to wait in the car and relax. A few minutes pass by and he comes running out and we head back home. We're just chilling on the couch, watching TV, when he says "Lets go do something" so I, of course, respond with "Fine.." (I was tired and didn't feel like doing jack-shit). So, he goes into the kitchen before me (This should have been a precursor). When I finally get out there, my friend points at the spider and says something like "WHAT'S THAT!" and of course me, being the wimp I am, scream like a little girl and book it to the front door. After that, I then proceeded to punch him in the stomach (I'm 5'10, he's 6'6, it'd be hard to go for the head). My lesson from this experience: NEVER let your friend go with you to a place that sells things that may scare the living hell outta you.

Thus, I have concluded I am a wimp and I know my place in the wilderness: Away from it.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love camping and all it's glory, but I REFUSE to go near a place that has
to have signs warning of it's potential danger.

Well, everybody, that's my post for today. I hope you have an outstanding week! Byee! =)

WHO BROKE THIS?!?!?!?!?!

Hi everybody! So, I figured that I haven't talked about some traumatizing incidents in my life for awhile, so how about the time a family friend decided it would be funny to play a prank on poor little me, never mind the fact I was like 10 years old and was emotionally unstable.

So, here I was being a good little kid just playing some indoor basketball with a 4'7 kid and 5 foot hoop in the living room area. I was one shot away from absolute glory (bragging rights), so I take the shot. I miss and the ball goes sailing right to porcelain-looking snowman and the head just snaps right off of it and falls to the ground. So I (being the responsible 10 year old I am)...book it up the stairs with said friend, and pretty much stay up there for the rest of the night. About 2 hours pass and we go back downstairs for dinner. I've pretty much forgotten about it by now, and just start shoveling food into my mouth because at that time my motto was "Eat fast, play soon!" so we all finish up eating and I head back up stairs with my friend while the parents go into the living room to talk. About 15 minutes pass and for some reason which I cannot remember to this day, my friend decides he needs to go downstairs and get something. He comes FLYING back up the stairs and says "WHOA WHOA WHOA, YOU'RE IN TROUBLE!" I, of course, say something along the lines of "WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!" He then proceeds to tell me that his mom is crying with the snowman's head in one hand and the body in the other. So, we creep back downstairs and eavesdrop on the conversation. Her husband is now trying put the snowman back together with super-glue. So, we head downstairs with our heads hung low and peek into the room and ask, "What's going on?" and the mom says "Somebody broke this snowman that my grandmother gave to me, this was the most special Christmas figure I own!" By this point I'm thinking in my head, "SHIT SHIT SHIT, I'm going to die. I've lived a good life for a ten year old, I've seen the world (Canada and Oregon)"  I mumble out "I'm sorry.." Then start bawling my eyes out

By then, they decide "Okay, we made the kid cry. Mission accomplished" then they start laughing and the husband comes up and says "Ohh it's okay, buddy" and hugs me..what he doesn't realize is that I am 5'0 and he is 6'2...I am at PERFECT height for pay back, so what do I do? I punch him right in the gems and say "Not Funny".  What I have learned from this story is never, and I mean NEVER, mess with a kid half your size because he is low enough to do massive damage.


I think life is just a bunch of practical jokes pulled off in sometimes non-humorous ways. I mean come on..think about...life is kinda a dick, "Haha! Made you think you were pregnant!", so I say we should just take some time and relax.

Alright everybody, I hope you enjoyed the story! Byee! =).

A Unicorn? Really?

Hi everybody! So, apparently, unicorns are cool?

I was walking down the street the other day and I kid you not, this man is wearing A UNICORN T-SHIRT READING "Would you love me without my horn?"...I almost punched him in the face because he deemed it "okay" to wear a unicorn shirt with the world's dumbest saying. I mean, don't get me wrong. I like horses  (Mostly because back in the days of the roman empire, they used horses as tanks) but unicorns, No..just no. I mean, I know they're fake and all but really, let's pretend they were real. Would you honestly want a pet that shit's rainbows?

I mean, what if it's having a bad day? Unicorns are pure happiness, what would that mean to the rest of the world if you saw A UNICORN trying to jump off a bridge? I'm pretty sure we would  know we're screwed then. Anyway, back to my main point. I think it's great that people have imaginations. Creativity is great! But, when you start wearing shirts that pretty much scream "Hey, come mug me! I'm wearing a unicorn shirt!" I think it's time to find a new hobby besides collecting unicorn figurines. I think it's awesome that we, as a society are becoming more and more accepting..but, honestly, guys..come on, could you at least not wear the bedazzled shirts to a Ke$ha concert. Just to drive my point home, a few weeks ago me and a friend we're just relaxing and playing some 8-bit games and we were talking about how ridiculous this whole unicorn thing is getting, and he mentioned that there is going to be a unicorn cereal made......ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Unicorn cereal? Really? Good god, It's going to be like Fruity Loops and Lucky Charms got together, had a kid and the kid is on steroids.

 A person can only take so much unicorn BS until they snap...then it's downhill for everybody.

 So, that's my post for today! I hope you guys enjoyed it and have a great week! Bye everybody! =)

Quick Update: New posts are on the way!

Hi everybody! I've been working really hard to pump out new posts (about 3-5 new posts are going to be out before the end of the month!) While I work on those, I figured I could update you guys on what you can be expecting for the next couple of weeks!

What to expect:
Me crying.
Unicorns jumping off bridges.
Fears of spiders and other little things that can do no possible harm to a human.
Thinking positive!
And of course, me screwing up.

 I'm really excited to get this done, but I can't rush or else it'll just be terrible.
Still not satisfied? I told you it was a quick update! I have work to do! Bye guys and girls! =)